One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient
complaining of serious back pain.
The doctor examines him and asks him:
"Tell me what happened to your back...?"
The patient replies: "Sir, I work for a local night
club. This morning I go to my apartment early
heard some noise in my bed room. On entering I
knew someone had been with mywife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out of the
balcony door and did not find anyone. As I
down from the balcony I saw a man running out
and he was dressing himself. I was very angry,..
grabbed the fridge and threw it at him. It was
heavy... That is how I strained my back....!!!"
Later that day, a second patient arrives as if he
has been in a car wreck.
The doctor said: "My previous patient looked
bad,.... But you look terrible..... What the hell
happened to you....??"
He replied: "You know I have been unemployed
a while now...., today was the first day at my
job..... I forgot to set my alarm and I was
was running out of the building, getting dressed
the same time......, and you won't believe it but
was hit by a fridge...., I don't know how and
where from this fridge fall on me...!!!"
Before closing hours, the third patient comes
He looks like he was punished in hell
The doctor is shocked.
He asked: "What is the hell happened to
The patient replies:
"Well, It started like this: "I was in a fridge..
A Little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store and dialed a number. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy: “Lady, can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?”
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line) “I already have someone to cut my lawn.”
Boy: “Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now.”
Woman: “I’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting the lawn.”
Boy: (with more perseverance) “Lady, I’ll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.”
Woman: “No, thank you.”
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.
Store-owner: “Son….I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.”
Boy: “No thanks.”
Store-owner: “But you were really pleading for one.”
Boy: “No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!”
*”This is called Self Appraisal”*
A man walks into work with
two black eyes. His boss
asks what happened.
The man says, "I was sitting
behind a big woman at
church. When we stood up
to sing hymns, I noticed that
her dress was caught in her
crack, so I pulled it out. She
turned around and punched
me square in the eye."
"Where did you get the
other shiner?" the boss asks.
"Well," the man says, "I
figured she preferred it in
the crack, so I pushed it
Wen I wake up from bed my wife didnt wish me happy birthday n neither the kids...
I went to my woking place and my work mates didnt wish me happy birthday...
I was feeling very sad and went into my office and my secretery wish me a happy birthday..
And i feel happy..
So she asked me out for a lunch...
After lunch she took me to her house.. Than she said wait here for a minute and she went into the room...
After five minutes i was suprised to c my family and my work mates..
They all suprised to c me naked on the cough..
A man was polishing his new car; his 4yr old daughter picked up a stone and scratched on the side of the car. In anger, the furious Man took his child’s hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw her father, with painful eyes he asked ‘Dad when will my fingers grow back?’ The man was s...o hurt and
speechless. He went back to the car and kicked it many times. Devastated by his own actions, sitting in front of the car he looked at the scratches, His daughter had written ‘LOVE YOU DAD’.
MORAL: Remember, Anger and Love have no limit. Always remember that “Things are to be used and people are to be loved”. But the problem in today’s world
is that “People are being used & Things are being loved”.
Happy weekend to you all
A Story Not to Be Missed
A mom visits her son for dinner who lives
with a girl as a roommate.
During his meal, his mother couldn't help
but notice how pretty his roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two and this
had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening while
watching the two interact, she started to
wonder if there's more between him and
Reading his mom's thought, his son
volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, we are just
About a week later, his roommate came to
him saying, "Ever since your mother came
to dinner, I've been unable to find the
silver plate. You don't suppose your
mother took it, do you?
He said, "well I doubt it, but I'll email her
just to be sure! He sat down and wrote,
After your visit me, the silver plate has
been missing. "I'm not saying that you did
take the silver plate from my house, and
I'm not saying that you don't take it, but
the fact remains that it has been missing
ever since you were here for dinner.
Several days later, he received an email
from his mother which read:
"I'm not saying that you do sleep with
your roommate, and I'm not saying that
you don't sleep with her: but the fact
remains that if she was sleeping in her
OWN bed, she would have found the silver
plate by now, under her pillow.
An old man walks into the local Cathedral and says to the rector, "I would like to join this fucking church. "The astonished man replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen, damn it. I said I want to join this fucking church!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church. "The rector leaves his desk and goes into the bishop's study to inform him of the situation. The Bishop agrees that the rector does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to his office and the Bishop asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 5 million dollars on the fucking lottery and I want to join this fucking church to get rid of some of this fucking money."
"I see," said the Bishop, "and is this cunt giving you a hard time?"
Fred and Mary got married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they went
back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning,
Johnny, Fred's little brother, got up and had his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school '
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline, and I
think..I gave him my super glue. !!
My mom only had one eye. I hated
was such an embarrassment. She
students and teachers to support
There was this one day during
school where my mom came to say
me. I was so embarrassed.
How could she do this to me? I
threw her a hateful look and ran
out. The next
day at school one of my classmates
your mom only has one eye!’
I wanted to bury myself. I also
mom to just disappear. I
confronted her that
day and said, ‘ If you’re only gonna
make me a
laughing stock, why don’t you just
My mom did not respond… I didn’t
to think for a second about what I
because I was full of anger. I was
I wanted out of that house, and
to do with her. So I studied real
hard, got a
chance to go abroad to study.
Then, I got married. I bought a
house of my
own. I had kids of my own. I was
my life, my kids and the comforts.
day, my Mother came to visit me.
seen me in years and she didn’t
When she stood by the door, my
laughed at her, and I yelled at her
over uninvited. I screamed at her, ‘
you come to my house and scare
children!’ GET OUT OFHERE! NOW!!!’
And to this, my mother quietly
I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the
address,’ and she disappeared out
One day, a letter regarding a
came to my house. So I lied to my
wife that I
was going on a business trip. After
union, I went to the old shack just
My neighbours said that she died. I
shed a single tear. They handed me
that she had wanted me to have.
‘My dearest son,
I think of you all the time. I’m sorry
came to your house and scared
I was so glad when I heard you
for the reunion. But I may not be
able to even
get out of bed to see you. I’m sorry
that I was
a constant embarrassment to you
were growing up.
You see……..when you were very
little, you got
into an accident, and lost your eye.
mother, I couldn’t stand watching
to grow up with one eye. So I gave
I was so proud of my son who
was seeing a
whole new world for me, in my
With all my love to you,
Always LOVE your parents. They are
We only have one mom, so love
her, you will
come to cry when she's gone.
If you love your Mom, press "LIKE"
write,"I LOVE U MOM" if you are
proud of her
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad, she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
P.S. - Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.