A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in 3rd grade. The boy said "Madam, i should be in 4th grade, i'm smarter than my sister and she's in 4th grade".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.
The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from 4th grade
Principal: What is 3+3
The boy got all questions right.
The principal then told the Madam to send the boy to 4th grade immediately.
Madam decided to ask her questions and the principal agreed.
Madam: What does a cow have 4 of,that i've only 2
Madam: What is in your pants that i don't have
Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid
Madam: What goes in hard and then comes out soft and sticky
(The principal's eyes open really wide,but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge)
Boy: Bubble gum
Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do
(The principal was looking restless)
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first
Boy: Wedding ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When i'm not well, i drip. When you blow me,you feel good
Madam: I've a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates,I come with a quiver
Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand
Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others,the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam 'Send this BLOODY boy to the University...even myself got all answers wrong!
Mary: Hello Love!
Sarah: Hello babes-how are u
Mary: Am fine dear, I've missed
you a lot you know.
Sarah: Yeah me too, i missed
Mary: Great, and I am calling
just to inform you that I will
pay you a visit this afternoon.
Sarah: Ok my dear; it will be a
great pleasure to have you. I
will be expecting you sweets.
*AFTER DROPPING THE CALL*
Mary: Am going to visit that
dirty girl again.
Sarah: This witch is coming
here again, she thinks I will
buy her drinks with my money
again, she must be joking.
John: Bastard how far?
Francis: Mad man am coming.
How is your stupid father?
John: f#@ck you man, he is fine!
Francis: You are a fool. Iam
coming there to charge my
John: Ok! we dont want you
here, you eat too much you
son of a bitch, bring my money
Francis: I dont owe u shit. Later
*AFTER DROPPING THE CALL
John: That Francis can be funny
at times but always great
Francis: John is just a reliable
Girls are always nice to each
other but they never like each
Boys are always mean and
rude but they will always have
By George Tarali
An Asian man got married to a Papua New Guinean lady and lived happily for four years. After two years she gave birth to a son. The husband was very exited and bought anything in an Asian shops but the things he bought did not last long.
After two months, the son died; the mother cried and her voice was too loud in their room.
Wife: “I knew it".
Husband:"What do you know ah?"
Wife: " The things you bought haven't lasted even a year all were damaged".
Husband: "I tried to by quality things but Asian stores don't sell in that quality"
Wife: she said again " I knew it".
Husband: What do you mean, I knew it?
Wife: "ASIAN PRODUCTS DON'T LAST LONG!"
An Asian guy is having a snack of bread and jam when an American guy chuckling chewing gum sits down next to him. The Asian guy ignores the American who nevertheless starts off a conversation with him.
American: "You Asian folks eat the whole bread?"
Asian: (in a bad mood) "Of course."
American: "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and export them to Asia." The American has a smirk on his face. The Asian listens in silence.
The American persists; "do you eat jelly with the bread?"
"Of course," replies the Asian.
American: "We dont. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and export them to Asia."
The Asian (pissed off) then asks, "do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why of course we do, the American says with a big smirk.
Asian: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
American: "Why, we throw them away of course."
Asian: "We don't. In Asia, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and export them to America!"
Way back in the nineteen-sixties it was rare for Papua New Guineans to travel overseas, but two highlanders with mechanical experience
were taken to Britain to learn about a new line of coffee-milling machinery their boss was to import.
Being from the same vill;age, the went off together on their day off to look for an out-of-the-way bar where they could have a drink- knowing that at home this was prohibited, and not wanting anyone to know.
They found a place and went in to enjoy themselves. Much later, and seriously drunk by now, the two decided to go and sit on the footpath with their beers so they could watch the crowds of passers-by. Happily they sat, glasses of beer in hand, watching, laughuing and cracking jokes in tokpisin.
Along came a an elderly man, stout and red-faced, and wearing a familiar get-up of baggy shorts and long white socks and a tie. This man had a very familiar look about him. He stopped as he heard the two talking.
"Hey, you fella, you bilong New Guinea, are'nt you?" he bellowed.
The two, still laughing, nodded,
" Just as I would have expected," their new-found acquaintance bellowed," let you out of sight and you completely disgrace the bloody Territory!Mi bai tokim polis na ol lockim you up, you humbugs!!"
The pair began to cry and sob aloud, tears running down their face.
"Now what the bloody hell...why you twofella boy cry??" The man was furious now.
" Oh, plis, Masta-" said one,"- sorisori- kain toktok blo yu remaindim mitupla lo homeples ya!!
By Koivi Ipai
Fond of a drink he became concerned that every night his bottle of whisky seemed to have a lower level than the previous night.
He didnt trust his hausboi who was new to the job and finally decided this hausboi was taking whisky late every night.
So to give the man a shock, the Kiap pissed in his whisky bottle that night before going to sleep.
Next evening, after his evening meal; consisting of a large bowl of soup followed by meat and vegetables, the kiap challenged his hausboi-
" Lukim botol ya," he said," preparing to announce that it was contaminated with his urine,
"Wiski ya, em save pinis-pinis igodaun olgeta dei na yu yu mas stilman ya!"
"Sori, masta, nogat tru ya!" the hausboi was horrified"
"Plis, masta, yu save laikim disla sup mi save skelim olgeta nait ah?"
Kiap replies, " Yes,em gutpla sup ya, tasol yu noken haitim stil blo yu, yu blari raskolman!"
"Oh plis masta, nogat tru ya, plis misave wokim gutpla sup olsem ol narapla masta ol save laikim, na olgeta dei mi boilim sup ya, mi save kisim botol wiski ya na kepsaitim hap lilik igo lo sup blo yu!!"
A guy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl answered with a loud voice, "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy, and he was embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and she told him,
"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The guy responded with a loud voice, "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!!!"
And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock, and the guy whispered in her ear,
"I study law, and I know how to make someone feel guilty.
Father: son can you please go buy me a soft drink...
son: coke or pepsi?
son: diet or regular?
son: bottle or can?
son: 500ml or 1liter
Father: damit! Just buy me water!!
son: natural or mineral?
son: hot or cold?
Father: im gonna strike you with a broom you idiot
son: hard broom or soft broom?
Father: stop this you little animal
son: cow or pig?
Father: get the hell out of hear you bastard!
son: now or later?
son: so you gonna throw me out or not?
Father: im gonna kill you!!
son: with a gun or a knife??
Father: im gonna shoot you little bastard!!
son: in the head or stomache?
Father: you pest!
son: cockroach or rat?
Father: fuck you!!!!!!!!
son: with a condom or live?
son: are you dead or sleeping?
On April fools day, a woman wanted to know how
Frooks, the hubby would react if she left without
telling him where she had gone.
So, she decided to write him a letter saying how
she is tired of him and didn't want him anymore.
After writing the letter, she put it on the table near
the bed and she hides under the bed.
Moments later, Frooks the hubby returns from
work. Frooks walks into the bedroom and sees the
After he had read it, the wife notices that Frooks
sits down and he wrote something on the paper.
He then stood up and began to sing and dance
around the room whilst changing his clothes.
Later, he picked up his phone, dialed someone
then said, "Hey babe, Im just changing clothes
then I will join you. As for the other fool, it has
finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on
her and she has left.haha..I was wrong to have
married her, I wish I had known you earlier, See
you soon baby!".
Frooks walked out of the room and left.
Meanwhile, the missus under the bed was in tears
after hearing this and she felt upset. She got up
from underneath the bed and, decided to go and
read what Frooks had written on the letter.
When she read it, it said, "Lonlon meri, yu ino hait
gut ehh!! mi lukim lek blo yu aninit lo bed..Mi go
nau lo baim OX & Palm lo tucker box na mi ba
kam bek.Please noken kisim lo bun na stopim
displa kain ol games blo yu. Nau tasol yu go na
boilim rice, mi hungere yah!"
One day, old Joe and his son in-law Rex went out to dive. When they reach the diving spot; Rex stood up, stripped naked right in front of his father in-law; grabbed his fishing gun and down he went…But old Joe could not believe what he just saw and he started to cry.
Rex was already diving but couldn’t see his father in-law so he swam back to the canoe and check. Sure enough, there was the old fella crying very regrettably on the boat.
Hey pap’s, what’s the matter? Why are you crying like this?
Old Joe kept avoiding looking at Rex d#&@ck. He just couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
Then he stood up and faces Rex straight on the face and said; I will refund your bride price payment for Maria and you f#&@cking leave my daughter alone. You hear me?! That’s why Iam f#@&cking crying.. because Iam worried about my little Maria.
How the heck are you scr#@&wing her with that huge long d#&@ck which is the size of that old Japanese bazooka lying on the beach...? Now, get the f#&@ck out of ma site before I spear you with this fishing gun!
Rex swam like a flying fish to the shore and escape…
Johnny walked into class with a
Teacher: what's wrong?
Johnny: my house is very small. Me,
and my dad sleep on the same bed.
Every night, my dad asks, "johnny
sleeping?" Then i say No and he
slaps my face
and gives me a black eye.
Teacher: tonight when ur dad asks
dead quiet and dont answer.
The following morning, Johnny comes
a severe black eye again.
Teacher: My goodness! Why the
black eye again?
Johnny: dad asked me again, Johnny
sleeping? & i shut up and kept dead
my dad and my mum started
moving, u know, at
the same time mum was breathing
kicking her legs up frantically and
a hyena on the bed.
Then my dad asked my mum, "are u
Mum said, "yes, i'm coming, r u
Dad answered, "yes."
They dont usually go anywhere
without me so i
said, "wait for me, I'm also coming!
One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient
complaining of serious back pain.
The doctor examines him and asks him:
"Tell me what happened to your back...?"
The patient replies: "Sir, I work for a local night
club. This morning I go to my apartment early
heard some noise in my bed room. On entering I
knew someone had been with mywife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out of the
balcony door and did not find anyone. As I
down from the balcony I saw a man running out
and he was dressing himself. I was very angry,..
grabbed the fridge and threw it at him. It was
heavy... That is how I strained my back....!!!"
Later that day, a second patient arrives as if he
has been in a car wreck.
The doctor said: "My previous patient looked
bad,.... But you look terrible..... What the hell
happened to you....??"
He replied: "You know I have been unemployed
a while now...., today was the first day at my
job..... I forgot to set my alarm and I was
was running out of the building, getting dressed
the same time......, and you won't believe it but
was hit by a fridge...., I don't know how and
where from this fridge fall on me...!!!"
Before closing hours, the third patient comes
He looks like he was punished in hell
The doctor is shocked.
He asked: "What is the hell happened to
The patient replies:
"Well, It started like this: "I was in a fridge..
A Little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store and dialed a number. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy: “Lady, can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?”
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line) “I already have someone to cut my lawn.”
Boy: “Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now.”
Woman: “I’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting the lawn.”
Boy: (with more perseverance) “Lady, I’ll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.”
Woman: “No, thank you.”
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.
Store-owner: “Son….I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.”
Boy: “No thanks.”
Store-owner: “But you were really pleading for one.”
Boy: “No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!”
*”This is called Self Appraisal”*
A man walks into work with
two black eyes. His boss
asks what happened.
The man says, "I was sitting
behind a big woman at
church. When we stood up
to sing hymns, I noticed that
her dress was caught in her
crack, so I pulled it out. She
turned around and punched
me square in the eye."
"Where did you get the
other shiner?" the boss asks.
"Well," the man says, "I
figured she preferred it in
the crack, so I pushed it
Wen I wake up from bed my wife didnt wish me happy birthday n neither the kids...
I went to my woking place and my work mates didnt wish me happy birthday...
I was feeling very sad and went into my office and my secretery wish me a happy birthday..
And i feel happy..
So she asked me out for a lunch...
After lunch she took me to her house.. Than she said wait here for a minute and she went into the room...
After five minutes i was suprised to c my family and my work mates..
They all suprised to c me naked on the cough..
A man was polishing his new car; his 4yr old daughter picked up a stone and scratched on the side of the car. In anger, the furious Man took his child’s hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw her father, with painful eyes he asked ‘Dad when will my fingers grow back?’ The man was s...o hurt and
speechless. He went back to the car and kicked it many times. Devastated by his own actions, sitting in front of the car he looked at the scratches, His daughter had written ‘LOVE YOU DAD’.
MORAL: Remember, Anger and Love have no limit. Always remember that “Things are to be used and people are to be loved”. But the problem in today’s world
is that “People are being used & Things are being loved”.
Happy weekend to you all
A Story Not to Be Missed
A mom visits her son for dinner who lives
with a girl as a roommate.
During his meal, his mother couldn't help
but notice how pretty his roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two and this
had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening while
watching the two interact, she started to
wonder if there's more between him and
Reading his mom's thought, his son
volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, we are just
About a week later, his roommate came to
him saying, "Ever since your mother came
to dinner, I've been unable to find the
silver plate. You don't suppose your
mother took it, do you?
He said, "well I doubt it, but I'll email her
just to be sure! He sat down and wrote,
After your visit me, the silver plate has
been missing. "I'm not saying that you did
take the silver plate from my house, and
I'm not saying that you don't take it, but
the fact remains that it has been missing
ever since you were here for dinner.
Several days later, he received an email
from his mother which read:
"I'm not saying that you do sleep with
your roommate, and I'm not saying that
you don't sleep with her: but the fact
remains that if she was sleeping in her
OWN bed, she would have found the silver
plate by now, under her pillow.
An old man walks into the local Cathedral and says to the rector, "I would like to join this fucking church. "The astonished man replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen, damn it. I said I want to join this fucking church!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church. "The rector leaves his desk and goes into the bishop's study to inform him of the situation. The Bishop agrees that the rector does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to his office and the Bishop asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 5 million dollars on the fucking lottery and I want to join this fucking church to get rid of some of this fucking money."
"I see," said the Bishop, "and is this cunt giving you a hard time?"
Fred and Mary got married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they went
back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning,
Johnny, Fred's little brother, got up and had his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school '
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline, and I
think..I gave him my super glue. !!
My mom only had one eye. I hated
was such an embarrassment. She
students and teachers to support
There was this one day during
school where my mom came to say
me. I was so embarrassed.
How could she do this to me? I
threw her a hateful look and ran
out. The next
day at school one of my classmates
your mom only has one eye!’
I wanted to bury myself. I also
mom to just disappear. I
confronted her that
day and said, ‘ If you’re only gonna
make me a
laughing stock, why don’t you just
My mom did not respond… I didn’t
to think for a second about what I
because I was full of anger. I was
I wanted out of that house, and
to do with her. So I studied real
hard, got a
chance to go abroad to study.
Then, I got married. I bought a
house of my
own. I had kids of my own. I was
my life, my kids and the comforts.
day, my Mother came to visit me.
seen me in years and she didn’t
When she stood by the door, my
laughed at her, and I yelled at her
over uninvited. I screamed at her, ‘
you come to my house and scare
children!’ GET OUT OFHERE! NOW!!!’
And to this, my mother quietly
I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the
address,’ and she disappeared out
One day, a letter regarding a
came to my house. So I lied to my
wife that I
was going on a business trip. After
union, I went to the old shack just
My neighbours said that she died. I
shed a single tear. They handed me
that she had wanted me to have.
‘My dearest son,
I think of you all the time. I’m sorry
came to your house and scared
I was so glad when I heard you
for the reunion. But I may not be
able to even
get out of bed to see you. I’m sorry
that I was
a constant embarrassment to you
were growing up.
You see……..when you were very
little, you got
into an accident, and lost your eye.
mother, I couldn’t stand watching
to grow up with one eye. So I gave
I was so proud of my son who
was seeing a
whole new world for me, in my
With all my love to you,
Always LOVE your parents. They are
We only have one mom, so love
her, you will
come to cry when she's gone.
If you love your Mom, press "LIKE"
write,"I LOVE U MOM" if you are
proud of her
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad, she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
P.S. - Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.
A Story Not to Be Missed
A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate.
During his meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there's more between him and his roommate.
Reading his mom's thought, his son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose your mother took it, do you?
He said, "well I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure! He sat down and wrote,
After your visit me, the silver plate has been missing. "I'm not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house, and I'm not saying that you don't take it, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Several days later, he received an email from his mother which read:
"I'm not saying that you do sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you don't sleep with her: but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.
A farmer brought a Rooster home. As soon as the rooster entered the farm, he started screwing all the 200 hens. The farmer is impressed.
At lunch, Rooster screws all the 200 hens again. The farmer is becoming uncomfortable and worried now.
The next day, he sees that the Rooster doing it to the ducks, geese & a goat.
Finally, the farmer sees the Rooster lying on the ground, weak and pale half-dead & vultures circling over it's head.
The Farmer rebukes him and says "You deserved it, you horny desperate idiot.!!
The Rooster opens one eye, and pointing towards the sky, says "Sssshh! Speak softly! I'm just waiting for them to land!"
Joe Petz Kahli
"A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.
He asks the lady, 'Do you have a vagina?'
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, 'Do you have a vagina?'
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice 'Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.'
The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy, I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it.'
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question; 'Do you have vagina'? 'Yes, actually I have,' she says.
The man replies.. 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours.
To: All Employees
From Effective January 2013.
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and
therefore do not need a pay raise..
We provide all the jokes on this page. We acknowledge our contributors as well.