One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient
arrives complaining of serious back pain. The doctor examines him and asks him: "Tell me what happened to your back...?" The patient replies: "Sir, I work for a local night club. This morning I go to my apartment early and heard some noise in my bed room. On entering I knew someone had been with mywife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out of the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I was very angry,.. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him. It was very heavy... That is how I strained my back....!!!" Later that day, a second patient arrives as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said: "My previous patient looked bad,.... But you look terrible..... What the hell happened to you....??" He replied: "You know I have been unemployed for a while now...., today was the first day at my new job..... I forgot to set my alarm and I was late,..... I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time......, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge...., I don't know how and where from this fridge fall on me...!!!" Before closing hours, the third patient comes He looks like he was punished in hell The doctor is shocked. He asked: "What is the hell happened to you....??" The patient replies: "Well, It started like this: "I was in a fridge.. A Little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store and dialed a number. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy: “Lady, can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?” Woman: (at the other end of the phone line) “I already have someone to cut my lawn.” Boy: “Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now.” Woman: “I’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting the lawn.” Boy: (with more perseverance) “Lady, I’ll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.” Woman: “No, thank you.” With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy. Store-owner: “Son….I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.” Boy: “No thanks.” Store-owner: “But you were really pleading for one.” Boy: “No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!” *”This is called Self Appraisal”* A man walks into work with
two black eyes. His boss asks what happened. The man says, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye." "Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asks. "Well," the man says, "I figured she preferred it in the crack, so I pushed it back in." Wen I wake up from bed my wife didnt wish me happy birthday n neither the kids...
I went to my woking place and my work mates didnt wish me happy birthday... I was feeling very sad and went into my office and my secretery wish me a happy birthday.. And i feel happy.. So she asked me out for a lunch... After lunch she took me to her house.. Than she said wait here for a minute and she went into the room... After five minutes i was suprised to c my family and my work mates.. They all suprised to c me naked on the cough.. A man was polishing his new car; his 4yr old daughter picked up a stone and scratched on the side of the car. In anger, the furious Man took his child’s hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw her father, with painful eyes he asked ‘Dad when will my fingers grow back?’ The man was s...o hurt and
speechless. He went back to the car and kicked it many times. Devastated by his own actions, sitting in front of the car he looked at the scratches, His daughter had written ‘LOVE YOU DAD’. MORAL: Remember, Anger and Love have no limit. Always remember that “Things are to be used and people are to be loved”. But the problem in today’s world is that “People are being used & Things are being loved”. Happy weekend to you all A Story Not to Be Missed
A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate. During his meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there's more between him and his roommate. Reading his mom's thought, his son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates." About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose your mother took it, do you? He said, "well I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure! He sat down and wrote, Dear mom, After your visit me, the silver plate has been missing. "I'm not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house, and I'm not saying that you don't take it, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Your son. Several days later, he received an email from his mother which read: Dear Son, "I'm not saying that you do sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you don't sleep with her: but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow. Love, Mom An old man walks into the local Cathedral and says to the rector, "I would like to join this fucking church. "The astonished man replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen, damn it. I said I want to join this fucking church!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church. "The rector leaves his desk and goes into the bishop's study to inform him of the situation. The Bishop agrees that the rector does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to his office and the Bishop asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 5 million dollars on the fucking lottery and I want to join this fucking church to get rid of some of this fucking money."
"I see," said the Bishop, "and is this cunt giving you a hard time?" |
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