Sasaf Keak
Kids are innocent, they will say and speak out the truth when they are forced and given a chance.. Never tell and force your children to say or speak out anything... At dinner, a little boy was forced to lead the family into prayer... Little Boy: But I don't know how to pray Dad: Just pray for your family members, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc. Little Boy : "Dear Lord" he started "Thank u for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again. Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed. This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my daddy's blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work.. AMEN " Mom and Dad did not have their dinner that evening......ha ha secret kam loose!! Sasaf Keak
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.' The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.' The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.' The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?' One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. .. What about your son?' The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub. ' The three friends said: 'What a shame.... what a disappointment.' The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends. Elias Tarue
Mr Verma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck and says "Guess what darling, I have great news, I'm a month overdue, I think we're going to have a baby boy. The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, Mrs Verma receives a phone call from PNG Power, because the electricity bill has not been paid. "Am I speaking to Mrs Verma?" asks the PNG Power guy. "Yes.......speaking." "You're a month overdue" says the guy. "How do you know?" stammers the young woman. "Well mam, it's in our files," he replies "What are you saying, it's in your files.....HOW??" "Yes....we have a system of finding out who's a month overdue" says the guy. "GOD!!!!...this is too much" she cries. "Madam, I am sorry, I am following orders, I have to inform you that you are a month overdue." the guy says again. "I know that! Let me speak to my husband about this tonight, he will speak to your company tomorrow." That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, as mad as a bull, rushes to PNG Power office the very next day. "What's going on? You have it on your file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the lady at the reception. "It's nothing serious, all you have to do is pay us." "PAY YOU? And if I refuse?" "Well in that case sir, we'd have no option but to CUT YOURS OFF!" "And what would my wife do then?" demands the husband. "I don't know" she replies. "I guess she'll have to use a CANDLE" Sasaf Keak
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfasthoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!',and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.' I thought.....Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday! ' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o’clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me..' I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!' We went to lunch. Amigo Stranger
Harry was a poor tailor whose shop was next door a 2 Star Restaurant. Every day for lunch, Harry would eat his black bread and herring in the small garden at the back of his shop. He would always smell the wonderful odorous emanating from the next door restaurant’s kitchen. One day, the restaurant sent Harry an invoice. Harry went to see the manager to ask why. The manager replied, “You’re enjoying my food, so you should pay for it.” Harry refused to pay and the restaurant sued him. At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the story. They said, “Every day, this man comes and sits near our kitchen and visibly smells our food whilst eating his. We are obviously adding value to his cheap food and we deserve to be recompensed for it.” The judge then asked Harry, “And what do you have to say about that?” Harry said nothing but stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled around the coins he had inside. The judge asked him, “What’s the meaning of that?” Harry replied, “I am paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money. Torsecs Kepas
No offence ladies...... One night Jerry brought home a dozen red roses to his wife. "How lovely, Dear," she said. "What's the occasion?" "I want to make love to you," he said simply. "Not tonight, Dear. I have a headache," answered his wife. The next night Jerry came home with a big box of chocolates and explained that he wanted to make love with her. "I'm awfully tired, Honey," said his wife. "Not tonight." Every night for a week Jerry brought home something, but each time his wife's answer was no. Finally he came home with six black kittens with little red bows around their necks and handed them to his wife. "How adorable, Jerry!" she exclaimed. "But what are they for?" The husband replied, "These are six little pallbearers for your dead pussy." David Allen
Girlfriend : (Low Voice) Sweety, Last night I had a dream about you. : Mpata : (excited) Oooh, Tell me Something Honey... : Girlfriend : I dreamt We were traveling in a bus, Suddenly the bus lost control and fell in the river. Everyone swam to save their life, but you were still swimming and searching for someone. Mpata : (with luv): Oh, Definately, i was searching for You..Right ?" : Girlfriend : ( Frown) NO, You were shouting, Driver! Driver!!, Please, Give me My Change before You Die ooO, Abegiiiii.. Ozzie Pion
A man is about to jump off London Bridge when he hears a voice behind him. It's Santa Claus. "Why do this? It's Christmas Eve?" Santa says. "Because I've lost my job, " the man answered, " my wife has left me, and I have no presents for the kids." "Ah, I can grant you 3 wishes, " replied Santa, "So when you get up tomorrow your job will be there, your wife will be waiting for you, and there'll be presents for the children." "Oh Santa - however can I repay you?" gasped the man. "Well - not a lot of people know this, " came the reply, "But old Santa is gay, you could bend over for me, the elves aren't much good at it." "Dunno 'bout that, " the man said. "Oh, go on, " Santa urged, "After all - I granted you 3 wishes, don't be so ungrateful." "Ok, " the man sighed, as he unzipped his trousers. Santa did the biz and when he finished the man pulled his trousers back up. Santa looks at the man and asks "How old are you?" "47, " came the reply. "What? And you still believe in Santa Claus?" Norman Terry
One afternoon Lil johnny was enjoyin with his dad mum and untie watching a movie,the movie was so intrestin that it came to a part,wer the actor of the film will have sex with,the lady in the film..johnnys moma quickly get the remote control to forward that part,at det very split second johnny comes out...no mommy leave it daddy and untie love playin det game wen u go to work...;) Sylvia Kila
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. "WOW!" The social worker exclaims. "Are they all yours?" "Yep, they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats. 'Well,' says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names." "Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named 'Leroy' and the girls are all named 'Leighroy'." In disbelief, the case worker. "Are you serious? They're ALL named Leroy?" Their momma replied, "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an they all comes a runnin. An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy." The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch ?" "Then I call them by their last names." Terry Ragagalo
A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He had spiked, multi-colored hair that was green, purple, & orange. His clothes were a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs were bare & he wore worn-out shoes. His entire face & body were riddled with pierced jewelry & had big, bright feathers as earring. He sits down in the only vacant seat that was directly across from an old man who glared at him for the next 10 minutes. Finally, the punk gets self-conscious & barks at the oldman, "What are you looking at you old fart... didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the oldman replies, "Yeah, back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore and screwed a parrot.... I thought maybe you were my son.'' Tugiau Sinda
A woman was having sex during the day with her secret lover,while her husband is at work. Her nine year old son Sandile comes home unexpectedly,se es the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom's wardrobe to watch. A few minutes later her husband comes home. She hides her lover in the wardrobe,not knowing Sandile is in there already." Sandile says,"Its dark in here." The man replies."Yes it is." Sandile:"I have a soccer ball;do you want to buy it?" Man:"No." Snakie Vavia
Two women are chatting in an office. Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?" Woman 2: "Yes." Woman 1: "Was it good?" Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster.. my husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins, got on top of me, finished having sex in 5 mins, rolled over and fell asleep in 2 mins. How was yours?" Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!" At the same time, their husbands are talking at work. Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?" Husband 2: "Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had sex with my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?" Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity due to o/s billsl; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't climax for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!" >> Blunder of the day << CPR Ako Omae PC Ben and Little Johnny were swimming at the beach when they saw a pregnant woman drowning, they quickly pulled her to safety. Ben starts to do CPR when he noticed Little Johnny take the woman's underwear off and put his mouth between the legs. Ben asked: What are you doing? Little Johnny said, “I’m just making sure, no air escapes while you’re doing CPR!”. Tamamarama Toi Choi A priest wanted to earn money for the building expansion programme for his church. He had heard there was big money in horse racing so he went out to buy a horse. At the local auction he noticed horses were quite expensive so he bought a donkey instead. The priest figured since he had the donkey he thought he'd enter the donkey in a race, the donkey comes third. The racing form headline the following day '' priests ass shows'' the priest was so pleased he entered the donkey in the next days race and won, the headlines read '' priests ass out in front'' the bishop was so upset to this sort of publicity that he told the priest not to enter the donkey in anymore races the papers headlines read '' bishop scratches priests ass'' this became too much for the bishop and told the priest to give the donkey to the nuns, the next day's headlines read '' nuns have best ass in town'' the bishop fainted as he read the papers and ordered the nuns to sell the donkey. They sold the donkey for ten dollars to a local farmer. The next day headlines read ''nun peddles ass for ten bucks'' they buried the bishop the next day and the paper headline printed as '' too much ass responsible for bishop's death'' Terry Dabowota
Husband and Wife were waiting at the bus-stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after some minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the Wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the Husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the Husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind-man as he taps it on the side-walk, and says to him,'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? The ticking sound is driving me crazy.' The blind-man replies,'If you would've put a rubber at the end of your stick, we'd be riding the bus! So shut the f**k up!!! |
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