Albert Jack
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer." Iru Mai
Three men are going through CIA training, trying to become secret agents. They finally got through all their written and physical tests when they are pulled aside by one of the instructors who took them to a small room with another room adjacent to it. They brought the first guy's wife into the room and left her there. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the first man saying, "Go kill your wife of five years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room. He came back out one minute later and said, "I can't do it." The instructor replied, "Then you fail out, so get out." The second candidate's wife was brought to the room. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the second man and said, "Go kill your wife of ten years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room, but returned three minutes later and said, "I can't do it." The instructor replied, "Then you fail out - get out." Finally, the third candidate's wife was left in the adjacent room. The instructor loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the third man and said, "Go kill your wife of fifteen years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room where there is silence for one minute. Suddenly, there was the sound of two gunshot, followed by a huge commotion in the room. The third man came out finally, sweating profusely, and said, "You gave me blanks, so I had to choke her." Josh Mambsu
1.Love a.Love your husband despite his failures and mistakes b.Never talk about his mistakes in the public ... 2.Respect a.Head of the family i.Despite your position in your career, see him as your very best friend. ii.Wife is to respect her husband and affirm his leadership. b.Man has status among his peers if the wife is seen to have respect for him (alternatively man is shamed before his peers if the wife shows disrespect or misbehaves). c.Wife encourages and strengthens her husband’s masculine leadership role and never tries to destroy, usurp, weaken or eliminate it. 3.Loyalty a.Support his ego b.Be submissive to him Iru Mai
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish". "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, ; driving a speedboat, without a care in the world". Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pinna Coladas and the love of my life". Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up", the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch". Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. Taxi Driver Josh Mambsu 3pla spakman..indai kirap na kam out lo club na spotim 1pla taxi stop lo side stp...so ogeta kam kalap...draiva tanim na lukm ogeta dead bomb na m les lo ksm ol go..so m trickm ol na revim engin krai go 3mins nmbaut na kilim engin..draiva kirap tok mipla kamap pinis..1st man kirap isi tzl na takes go out..2nd man kirap rausim 1pla 10bucks na givm draiva na tok kip da change..3rd man kirap na luk2 raun go pinis na tanim na punchim draiva lo face strt..draiva shock na askm..y m mekm osm..na 3rd man bekm..'' Yu kan..draiv isi..klostu u kilim mipla ya.."..hehehe Richard Block Apurel
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession." The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik. Finally, he asked the last man,"And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!" Michelle Lau
A nude guy (johnny) was sun bathing at the beach. A little girl comes to him, he covers his private parts with a newspaper.The little girl asks, ''Whats under there?'' "A bird'', johnny replied.The girl goes away and johnny later fell asleep.When he wakes up, he finds himself in a hospital bed, and he was in a greatpain.A doctor came up to his bed and asks, ''What happened?''Johnny answerd, ''I don't know. I was at the beach and fell asleep after talking to a little girl''.So the doctor tells this to the Police,and they went to the beach to find any witnesses. When they got there, they saw the little girl Johnny talked about.So they asked her if she saw anything that happend to Johnny. She answers, ''Just that when he was sleeping, I played with his bird, After a while, it spat at me, so i got angry and broke its neck, burnt its nest, and smashed both its eggs" ... :P Richard Block Apurel
Dear Wife, I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. Henson Kapao
one day, lilltle Johnny's parents came home to their suprise to find a note written by Little Johnny. The letter reads,'' hello mum/dad. I want you to know that i love you so much.. I am proud to be your son but i have to tell you something.. I have been dating a girls from the public brostle for the last 9 months now and she is pregnant, we have decided to move to the mountain side and start our life there. I am starting to plough the land for faming and we r looking after primitive animals for meat n clothing.. I hope someday you will be able to see your grandchildren but i am afraid none of us will not survive because my wife has HIV AIDS and i have got it too.. but what can i do because i love her..i will always remain your son, love Johnny.''... Johnny's parents got the shock of their life but when they read further down, a little note stated. Ps.. There are more serious worser things in life than flunking my exam... Freda Umar
A bride tells her husband, Honey, you know I'm virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first? Okey sweet heart, putting it simply, we call your private place " the prison", and called my private thing the prisoner". And they made love for the first time nd the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggle, Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped", then we will have to reimprison him, After the second time the bride says, Honey the prisoner is out again!" the husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, honey, the prisoner escaped again, to which the husband yelled" Hay its not a life sentence. By Awel
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked,'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.' The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?' The nun replied, 'He went that way.' After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said,'I can't thank you enough. Sister you see, I don't want to go to Iraq .' The nun said, 'I understand completely.' The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude,but you have a great pair of legs!' The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher,you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either !!! Fiona Kiri Gerega Pala
Just to put a smile on your faces! Have a great afternoon.. It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, the older nun which normally assisted in this task was a little under the weathers so she instructed Sister Magdalene, a young nun on how to prepare the bath water and towels. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever she's told to do, and pray. By Campbell K. Taipu
A young girl was bathing one day when she noticed that she was developing pubic hair...she got so worried that she went to tell her mum. The mum quickly calmed her down & said "Don’t worry, the part between your legs is called monkey & you should be proud that your monkey is growing hair".That evening when the whole family was at the table for dinner the young girl turned to her elder sister & proudly told her, “My monkey is growing hair!!” The elder sister said.."That’s nothing..my monkey is already eating bananas!! “Mum fainted”! |
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